moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
