After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
