Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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