last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
