You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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