How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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