I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
