Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
