i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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