Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
