Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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