I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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