i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
