Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
