Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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