you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize