K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
