On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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