I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
