I wish I only lived at night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
