even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
