I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
