...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Enjoy the penises
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
