I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
