Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
