Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
