that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
