have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
