regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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