Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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