Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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