Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
