He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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