I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
