Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
