I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
