You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
