This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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