Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
