No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
