Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
