i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
