I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
