My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
