I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
