This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
