so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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