I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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