i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
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i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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