I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
