my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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