the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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