Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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