I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
