we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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