I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
