oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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