He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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