shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
