trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They took my balls.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
