I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT