his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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