hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.