Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops