So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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