Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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  (310): I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers" http://tfl.nu/rpqk
  Replies (11) Good night (610) Bad night (2261)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
  Replies (107) Good night (811) Bad night (14682) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout

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  (712): the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout http://tfl.nu/qr0c
  Replies (14) Good night (4847) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17909) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

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  (910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp
  Replies (15) Good night (2037) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

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  (517): My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow. http://tfl.nu/o1qn
  Replies (11) Good night (4206) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

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  (630): But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them http://tfl.nu/vxlz
  Replies (10) Good night (5237) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos

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  (516): I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos http://tfl.nu/9ruo
  Replies (9) Good night (2564) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?

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  (314): Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences? http://tfl.nu/kgto
  Replies (8) Good night (1285) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.

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  (818): He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type. http://tfl.nu/n4gn
  Replies (4) Good night (1504) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (569): View more from

  we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh

  (784): View more from St. Vincent/Grenadines

  it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.

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  (569): we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh (784): it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here. http://tfl.nu/bl8m
  Replies (0) Good night (875) Bad night (188)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.

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  (612): If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home. http://tfl.nu/rwle
  Replies (3) Good night (703) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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  (586): I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED http://tfl.nu/w9fp
  Replies (10) Good night (683) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...

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  (319): This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left... http://tfl.nu/s9na
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.

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  (+44): Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life. http://tfl.nu/3wcp
  Replies (4) Good night (929) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt

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