"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?