I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?