I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.