saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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