onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.