Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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