I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
