Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
