why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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