Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
