My sheets look like a crime scene.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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