You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
