Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
