I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
