She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
