Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
