Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
