I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
