we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
