Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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