is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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