Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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